Remember when.....

Don't know what made me think about this. (Perhaps having a teenage daughter) but,

Remember when -

- you used to plan an outfit days in advance? These days, I know I have a few "outfits" (although damned if I can find them) that I can wear to certain events. I used to read about these society ladies who hung their clothes up together as "outfits" and think - "What? Can't they accessorize?"

For some reason, I am less able now to throw an outfit together than I used to be. It would help if I had more of an interest I suppose (yawn), or if I actually bought stuff together so that I could instantly find an "outfit" when I need one.. Seriously, unless I"m going to a wedding (once a decade) or a ball/black tie event (once a decade owing to Ball & Chain's aversion),  I never think about "what to wear". I tend to buy bits that I like every decade or so, and then have no idea what to pair them with.

Now when I go out, it goes something like this

 Go up to my room about an hour before going out, shower etc, then stand in my closet and stare. The outfit I initially had in mind for some reason, (cramps? Fat belly?) suddenly looks terrible. Off comes the top, to be replaced by an even worse top - which might however, go with another pair of trousers. Nope, trousers and top don't look good; try another top. When I finally emerge, I am sweating bullets (note to self, don't do hair before the outfit is chosen) and about 600 degrees of separation from what I originally intended to wear.

And remember when -

- you needed to drop a few pounds/inches to fit into the outfit you had planned weeks in advance? Not that I'm advocating this (teenage girls, if you happen to be reading) but time was, if I needed to reduce my waist or hips to fit into anything, I would just have Cup-a-Soups for two and a half days, and Voila. Result. Not working now!

Nowadays it goes something like -

- OK, this is beyond a joke. My gynocologist asked why my va-jay-jay was looking so red at my last "Lady visit", and I had to confess that it was because my jeans were too tight. So tight that I had a tight crotch as well as a muffin top. Enough. I'll just starve myself for a few days and every thing'll be fine. NOT.

Nowadays, if I can ever manage to lose 5 pounds (which isn't that hard when you stick to Weight Watchers instead of "guestimating") I lose it fairly quickly from both sets of cheeks. My face looks instantly shrunken and I go from being mistaken for Laura Dern to Celine Dion (yes, that thin and pointy) and my never-full-bottom resembles that of a Buddhist Monk (if you could see under the robes, - no disrespect). While people are asking (in a not-good way) "How much weight have you lost" I haven't actually lost nearly as much as I intended to, and the rest of my body remains unchanged.  There's nothing like a really skinny face to make the rest of you look too big.

Sigh! Those were the days.

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