I was zipping through Army of the Dead, a new Netflix zombie comedy, looking for beefcake, when I saw two soldiers hugging. And a plot synopsis actually used the phrase "buddy bonding." That's enough gay subtext for me! I quickly started it from the beginning.
Scene 1: Two army guys are leading a top-secret convoy down a deserted Nevada highway. Meanwhile, a newly married guy is driving while his wife performs oral sex. They crash. Everything explodes, and the "payload" escapes: a zombified muscle man! Very quick, and impervious to bullets. The two lead soldiers hug and try to run away, but it kills them. Darn -- very short gay subtext!
Scene 2: A Liberace impersonator being campy. Three topless showgirls have zombified, and attack. So, semi naked women kill a swishy queen. There's some definite homophobic symbolism.
General chaos as everyone in Vegas zombifies and attacks everyone else. Three guys hugging, but I think they were in a wedding party. A cliche little girl-teddy bear. An Elvis impersonator. Nice shots of thousands of zombies overwhelming Las Vegas streets.
We see the "before" pictures of four people who are killing zombies and the infected. One has a degree in philosophy; another holds a copy of Success magazine. Will they be central characters? No, they all get eaten.
I'm tired of characters being introduced and then killed. We'd better get some protagonists soon.
Scene 3: A greasy spoon diner. The tv tells us that the Zombie Wars have ended with massive casualties and Las Vegas walled off. The next step is to drop a nuclear bomb on the zombie-infested city (didn't they do that in The Stand?). Coincidentally in four days, on the Fourth of July.
Muscular cook/Zombie War hero Scott (Dave Bautista, top photo) is hired by some shady types to retrieve $200 million in gold buried beneath the Strip.
Scene 4: McCann Quarantine Camp outside Las Vegas, where people who might be infected are detained (COVD symbolism much?). But it's actually anyone the government doesn't like: immigrants, gay rights advocates, pro-choice advocates. They are being transferred to Barstow prior to the bombing.
Kate and Geeta, who may be a romantic couple, discuss slipping into the city, cracking open a few slot machines, and bribing their way out of quarantine. They are brutalized by a sadistic guard (Theo Rossi, who will become important later). Guards can do whatever they want. If you protest, they will take your temperature, claim that it is low, and shoot you. Wow, paranoia over COVD restrictions! Next they'll be comparing mask rules to the Holocaust.
Scene 5: Scott the Cook flashes back to having to kill his zombified wife, sister, or mother. I'm guessing wife, because dead wives are a standard cliche.
I know how this will turn out. I'll just fast forward.
One of the team members, Ludwig (Matthias Schweighofer, left), may be gay. He tells team member Guzman (Raul Castillo), "I love your hair." They both die.
Tig Notaro plays a butch helicopter pilot who may be a lesbian. She dies.
Vanderohe (Omari Hardwicke) is flying in a private plane during the cliffhanger ending, so I guess he's important to the story. But I couldn't tell by fast-forwarding
Shocking twist: Scott the Cook and Kate Not a Lesbian don't fall in love. Turns out that Kate is Scott's daughter! Didn't see that one coming. (Actually, if you look carefully, you can see Kate coming out of the bedroom while Scott kills his wife/sister/mother).
Beefcake: No. Some topless girls, though. Always have to throw in topless girls.
Buddy-Bonding. I didn't see any, except in the first scene with the two soldiers who get eaten.
Comedy: This is advertised as a comedy, but I didn't get the humor. There are a lot of long, drawn-out "I've been bitten...I'm going to die..." scenes.
Everybody Dies: Almost. Only one member of the team survives.
My Grade: Can't really judge without watching the whole thing, but from the Liberace eaten, the topless girls, the lack of buddy-bonding, and almost everybody dying, D.
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